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Title: First Crossing
Rating: PG, gen
Notes: This was written for the Lightning Round in the [ profile] help_haiti auction. The prompt was a dragon POV, and I... well, I ran with it, and this is a touch cracky, but was so fun to write. It takes place in the distant, murky future of the series, and is likely to be thoroughly jossed in a couple months by Tongues of Serpents. Huge thanks to [ profile] _workinprogress for bidding, and also to my lovely beta-readers, [ profile] brimtoast and [ profile] fictionalfaerie, for their help. (X-posted at AO3)

"Clearly your egg will not wait for a convenient time, either; I am not much surprised. Make haste, Mr. Dorset, let us bring the egg further out on deck. And have the men halt the proceedings; we will celebrate this crossing of the Equator in a much more auspicious fashion than usual, I think." )
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HARK! I am going to be obnoxious and wave around my two [ profile] help_haiti threads one last time. The auction ends tomorrow at 12 PM, EST, so there is still time to own my soul and make me do your bidding!

I'm offering a 5,000 word fic and a 10,000 word fic here! And it is entirely possible I will wind up writing more than the minimum words, because I cannot write anything without going hugely overboard. Fandoms up for grabs are: Bandom, Temeraire, The Demon's Lexicon, Sherlock Holmes 2009, Indiana Jones, Jonanthan Strange & Mr Norrell, Due South, Supernatural, Star Trek: Reboot, Merlin, Harry Potter, Scott Lynch's Gentlemen Bastards, His Dark Materials, anything by Neil Gaiman, Lewis, Generation Kill, and The Umbrella Academy.

And, maybe more excitingly, I'm offering fifteen 500 word ficlets for a flat rate of FIVE DOLLARS EACH (although, of course you can donate more if you want! *g*). But seriously, FIVE DOLLARS to a hugely good cause, and I will write you pretty much anything you want. Throw whatever fandoms, pairings, and wacky scenarios you want at me! Filthy porn crossovers or fluffy gen futurefic, I will do my best to fulfill them all. Also, well. It should be said that my whole "500 words maximum, and 1000 is my ABSOLUTE LIMIT!" thing is a lie, as the ficlets I've already written are more like 700-1800 words. :D
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Well, I love writing drabbles, right? And I miss Yuletide and the fun of writing in tiny crazy fandoms, and I was feeling bad that people got outbid on my longer stories, and. And. 

Right, basically, long story short: I went insane, and now I'm offering fifteen teensy ficlets in the lightning round of [ profile] help_haiti.

Minimum bid is $5 dollars! You could make me write Hannibal Goes to Hogwarts or Gerard Attemps Roller Derby or Zombies In Space! ANYTHING GOES.


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Title: A Guided Tour of the October Country: Please Keep Your Arms and Legs Inside the Wind of Death At All Times
Pairing/Prompt: for the [ profile] no_tags exchange: Frank/Gerard, Halloween
Rating: PG-13ish
Warnings: strong language, mummy costume, cuteness, vomit
Notes: This is a loose AU of Ray Bradbury's The Halloween Tree, but you don't need to have any knowledge of the canon to read this. Also, I have the best betas in the world. [ profile] softlyforgotten soothed me in the depths of my madness and was a fantastic cheerleader, and oh man, this fic would be SO TERRIBLE without the loving thrashing that [ profile] brimtoast gave it, she is my hero. Seriously.  ♥


That country where the hills are fog and the rivers are mist; where noons go quickly, dusks and twilights linger, and midnights stay. )
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Title: These Aren't The Droids You're Looking For
Pairing/Prompt: Patrick, gen, IN SPACE
Rating: PG
Warnings: crack. oh man. such crack.
Notes: STAR WARS AU. THAT'S RIGHT. YOU HEARD ME. Also, this was intended to be much longer, but, well. There may be a sequel in the not so distant future. IN A GALAXY RIGHT HERE.
Also, huge thanks to my lovely betas and handholders, [ profile] airgiodslv and [ profile] fictionalfaerie , who listened to me rant and descend into madness over the course of writing this. PINCH HITS, MAN. I CAN NEVER RESIST THEM.


A Jedi walks into a bar... )


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Sooooo, it has just occurred to me that perhaps some people in the world think Charleston is pretty cool? I mean, it is not nearly as cool as some of the places people are offering boxes from (ISTANBUL *__*), but it is a pretty amazing city, with a ton of local history and culture, so I am offering up a box of goodies for [ profile] help_haiti, too.

Seashells, sanddollars, fossils, postcards, taffy, benne wafers, palmetto roses, potentially other fun stuff depending on how things go. Hurrah, an excuse to go beach combing! Winter beaches are one of my absolute favorite things in the world, and Sullivan's Island is especially brilliant this time of year.

Also, I should mention that I will be talking to some College of Charleston professors and asking if they have any interesting local things they might want to contribute, so seriously, the box should be a fairly interesting one. I'm looking forward to putting it together.
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Just as an FYI, I went ahead and made my offer at [ profile] help_haiti, and if anyone is interested, here is the gist of it:

I am offering:
One story of at least 5000 words
One story of at least 10000 words

Fandoms (if appropriate):
Bandom (MCR-centric, I'm afraid), the Temeraire series, The Demon's Lexicon, Sherlock Holmes 2009, Indiana Jones, Jonanthan Strange & Mr Norrell, Due South, Supernatural, Star Trek: Reboot, Merlin, Harry Potter, Scott Lynch's Gentlemen Bastards, His Dark Materials, anything by Neil Gaiman, Lewis, Generation Kill, The Umbrella Academy

Additional Info (optional):
I am pretty much down for whatever. I love gen and porn and everything in between. I'm pretty open to odd pairings, and I'll write slash, preslash, femmeslash, kinks, and occasionally threesomes. Crossovers between fandoms are great, AUs are delighted in. If you want a sequel to a previous fic I've written, that's also on the table.

Starting Bid:
$5 for the 5000 word story
$10 for the 10000 word story

So, yeah, if any of that sounds appealing to you, mosey over here!
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So, I was just feeling low and awful that I am extremely broke and also ill right now, and so can't donate any blood or money to help the earthquake victims in Haiti. And then I found this comm, [ profile] help_haiti. And you guys, I don't know if anyone is interested, but I will totally be offering up fics for this. So if there are any stories you've been wanting me to finish (besides ghostfic, okay, WE'LL GET TO THAT LATER) or a pairing you want to request,  ANYTHING, all of my fandoms are up for grabs, and I have a lot. I am a fandom slut, okay. The Demon's Lexicon, Sherlock Holmes, bandom, Indiana Jones, Jonanthan Strange & Mr Norrell, Temeraire, Due South, Supernatural, Doctor Who, Star Trek: TOS and Reboot,  Merlin, Batman, FtA RP fic, WHATEVER. Harry Potter, Gentlemen Bastards, Neil Gaiman, Stargate Atlantis, Everwood, Torchwood, Lewis, Generation Kill, Umbrella Academy. I could go on. If you suspect there is some fandom I would write that I have neglected to mention, comment and ask me!

But yes. This is my pre-pimping post. *g* I would love to be able to contribute and help somehow, even if it's in a small way. And it just makes me feel better, even if I can't offer a lot, to be reminded how amazing fandom really is. It's just so fucking fantastic, the way people pull together and offer their help at times like this. I seriously love you all, even the people I don't know well yet. <3

In other cheering news, the [ profile] no_tags bandom exchange fics are up! GO AND WALLOW IN THE LOVELINESS! I am still plowing my way happily through them, but I will probably create a recs post later. And, oy, the yulerecs will be continuing. That Yuletide, you guys. It generates a lot of awesome.

In addition, I have another bit of awesome to pimp you all: if you like Kradam, and you like podfic, my darling dearest [ profile] brimtoast has just put up an AMAZING file. It is the first half of Paper Gangsta, and seriously, her voice is like candy. Like chocolate! It is a joy to listen to. AND NOT TO GIVE ANYTHING AWAY, BUT SHE SINGS A TINY BIT. AND IT IS LOVELY. So go, go download!
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Man, I only planned on writing ONE FIC this year. AHAHAHA.

in which shit goes aft agley )

Long story short, I did finish all of my fics, got them uploaded and edited and pleasing to my eyes, if no one elses, by 11:59 PM on the 24th. I think the pinch-hits weren't as great as they could have been, but I tried, and I loved writing all of them, and I'm so glad the recipients seemed to enjoy them too.

TEN THOUSAND THANK YOUS to my darling, wonderful betas and all the brilliant people in Yulechat, who are all encouraging and lovely and just as crazy as I am. I am totally addicted to Yuletide, now. It was my first year, and I had SUCH a good time, and I can't believe I've never participated before. I've been a terrible fandom lurker for years, and it was great getting to finally give back. I did a number of hippo dances in #yuletide (under the pseudo of "Pillow" -- don't ask) and I also got to beta a TON of fantastic fics, which believe you me will be mentioned in some rec posts soon, because HOMG, did you guys know that being a beta means you get to read awesome fics EARLY? DUDE. IT'S GREAT.

Anyway, even though authors have been revealed, I still have approximately 49 fics I still want to rec, and even more that I want to read, so there will be more gleeful, rambling posts soon. Don't think you've escaped yet.

I LOVE YOU ALL. HAPPY YULE, AND HAPPY NEW YEAR. *dances a victory lap across the internet*

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I have been powering through Yuletide bit by bit, and have compiled another collection of things that made me glee all about the town. My glee was just slightly harshed by having the first draft of this post CALLOUSLY DEVOURED by LJ, but let's let bygones be bygones, shall we? I wanna ring out the old year with a fuckton of recs, and hopefully you guys are on board with me. So prepare for awesomeness, and remember to feed the authors

yes, a fuckton is an official metric unit of measurement. just roll with it. )

OH MY GOD, UGH, I HAVE SO MANY MORE RECS I WANT TO SHARE. It will have to wait, though, because I am exhausted. Seriously, though, guys. GO READ THESE STORIES. I will view it as a personal holiday present if you do. *smiles winsomely*
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Guys, my dog. He's hurt or sick, I think he had a stroke. He was fine this morning, prancing around and howling and telling me he needed his breakfast and needed it NOW, but then an hour ago I was sitting on the couch with my laptop and he just fell over, hard. He's fourteen, and that's old for a basset, and sometimes he has a hard time moving around in the morning, but this was a hard fall and he didn't get up again like he normally does.

I don't know if he hurt his leg in the fall or if he's really had a stroke, but he can't walk at all and he's so upset and scared. He's so upset he won't eat, and so I can't get any dog-aspirin into him. My parents are four hours away and heading back now, but I can't get him to the vet myself, he's too heavy and when a basset doesn't want to move, they just do not move.

I'm sitting here with him on the floor and cuddling him and cleaning up after him and telling him he's a good boy, and he's finally calmed down a bit and stopped drooling and crying as much, and he's looking around, his eyes are a bit clearer. But oh, Stanley, he's the sweetest dopiest dog in the world, and he's my old man, and it's breaking my heart.
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Okay, guys, I have PART ONE of many Yuletide recs posts. I have been neglecting many things and just scrolling through the archives in awe and leaving my rambling comments of extreme delight scattered amongst the fics, and I have not even gone through the merest FRACTION of the archive. YOU GUYS, YULETIDE IS AMAZING, IN CASE YOU HAD NOT HEARD.

And lest you think I exaggerate, behold! I have proof! To wit:

you guys do NOT EVEN WANT TO KNOW how many Yule!tabs I have left open )

Anyway, I have so many more to rec, but I am already late to go see Sherlock Holmes, and so they will have to wait until tomorrow. Or, erm, just later tonight. *g*


...also, EEEEEEEEEEE, [ profile] airgiodslv wrote me a ghost!Andrew ficlet (which will likely only make sense if you know the FtA bandom/HP RPG, or alternately if you just know that Andrew is a ghost and William is a librarian at Hogwarts) and it makes me SO HAPPY and it is not Yuletide but I want to rec it anyway, and so am including it here. :p 
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I just signed up for another pinch-hit. And no, my other pinch-hit isn't done yet.
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*writes moar*



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Snowed in in Tennessee -- spent yesterday in Dollywood, which was eerily and deliciously empty due to the near-freezing rain. I am already plotting a murder-mystery set on a rainy day in a deserted amusement park. GENIUS, EH. Also, less deliciously, I discovered my boots are not waterproof, which dampened (har har) my enthusiasm considerably. My toes, y'all. Doom. And all the rides were shut down, but then the rain turned to snow and apparently the entire world went insane and the East Coast has now been coated in white fluff and ice. And the ride back from Dollywood to Bristol was like a rollercoaster ride, so that's something, right? We cleverly stopped driving before we skidded off the road into a semi-truck or a ditch and stayed at a hotel until morning came. Now we've reached [ profile] fictionalfaerie's library workplace (IT IS VERY LOVELY) and I have an internet! And I'm being read children's books by adorable folk. Adorable, crazy folk. <3

I plotted fic and RPG comments as we drove through the snowy wilderness. ARGH YULETIDE IS SO CLOSE ARGH.  Ahem. I mean. Things are going well. I'M NOT PANICKING AT ALL. Also, quiet un-named people whom I may or may not have coaxed into Yuletide with me! YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY. MAYBE.

asdl;kfasdfasdfkl;jhadf a;lsdkfa;sldkfa

Also I am already in RPG withdrawal. It's very sad.


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In case anyone's been wondering what's going on in my head lately, here! Have the panicked ramblings of a madwoman.

So of course I sign up for Yuletide and then think, oh man, I love this fandom I received as a request, but man, I really wanted to write in THESE fandoms, too. And now I've ended up writing three Yuletide stories at the same time, only one of which was actually requested. And of course that story is the one that I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO WRITE WHAT HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF. It's just such an amazing source and I don't have the slightest idea if I'm doing it justice or not! Brb, weeping into my keyboard.

And then there is ghostfic, and I am steadfastly stuck on this one scene that I already wrote, which got deleted by my computer, because it hates me. There is no other explanation. Skynet is here, and it is Vista. And don't even get me started on my Temeraire high school AU, which began as a fun OT3 piece and somehow has devolved into a Roland/Laurence kinkfest. That is definitely a lot of fun, don't get me wrong, but it has also totally derailed my plot. /o\ DAMN YOUR SEXY EYES, JANE ROLAND.

Of course, there is also my new source of madness and delight, the From the Ashes RP community I joined recently. It is a bandom HP AU and guys, I cannot get enough of it. I spend gleeful hours composing comments and picking out icons and scouring everyone else's threads. I could easily spend MY ENTIRE LIFE playing this game. It is wonderful in all ways and you should all go read it immediately, but omg, I have so many other things to be doing! I set out to have a productive day and instead I find myself spending hours hopefully refreshing my inbox and daydreaming about porny interludes for other characters.

And! In case you didn't think I was crazy enough, I also had this Cunning (ahaha not so much) Plan to write a ficlet for each of the Twelve Days of Christmas. I am deeply afraid this is going to be a massive failure, as are all of my creative endeavors of late (SELF, JUST FINISH SOMETHING, WHY ARE YOU STARTING TEN MILLION NEW PROJECTS?).

I need to get back in a successful writing groove. I need to post something and have it out there and be like, LOOK, SELF, YOU CAN IN FACT COMPLETE THINGS. In fact, flist, help me out! Take a vote!

"Pro cras" means "For tomorrow" in Latin. Good to know, eh? )

So, yes. If I do not post whatever it is I should be posting by next Friday, please poke me with pointy sticks.
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But HOMG, WTF is up with most of my icons suddenly turning into red x-boxes? I AM GREATLY DISPLEASED.
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Dear Awesome Person,


:D :D :D :D :D )
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So, I was playing around in [personal profile] clex_monkie89's Changing Channels meme, where people have been submitting all sorts of brilliant ideas for AU fics based on the latest Supernatural episode (5.08, fyi), and I wound up actually writing one for Due South. Because clearly I am not supposed to be hard at work on at least twelve other things. Er. *shuffles feet*

Still, it was fun! If you like Supernatural, I encourage you to go play. There are so many awesome prompts and hilarious fics! It is like a smorgasbord of AUs. What is not to love, I ask you.

But yes, I am reposting mine here for posterity. If you read this, please keep in mind it is highly un-betaed and totally and utterly ridiculous.

Off the Map
DS/SPN wacky fusion

My name is Constable Benton Fraser, Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father, and for reasons that don't need exploring at this juncture, I have remained, attached as liaison officer with the Canadian Consulate. )

Then [ profile] hrhbunburybrought up the excellent point that I was missing a Dead!John, and so this was born:

FRASER: My father said something that's always stuck with me, Ray. VECCHIO: Your father never shut up, did he? )

Yeah, I know. There are basically no redeeming qualities there. Still. There's no good clean fun like Canadian fun, am I right?


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May 2010



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