Leathermouth and Reggie Recap Part 1: Jersey Edition

[novembersmith]

WARNING: EPIC RAMBLE. I am mainly posting this for my own benefit so I can remember the glory that was September 12th forever, so it's literally just me ranting and raving about every little detail. If that's not your cup of flailing tea, I totally understand.

A ton of things went wrong for me, in that it was A) raining and B) the 2.5 hour drive to Sayreville wound up taking 6.5 MOTHERFUCKING HOURS, because people in NYC apparently go batshit whenever water falls from the sky. All that said, it was still FUCKING AMAZING. I cannot even cover how much fun I had.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, HOW DID THAT TAKE ALMOST SEVEN HOURS, UGH, FUCK THE GODFORSAKEN PARKING LOT THAT WAS THE GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE. I guess it honed my rage for the hardcore screaming that is Frank Iero, but STILL. But apparently the bands knew the traffic was heinous and held off starting for a while, which I say, bless their fucking hearts, y'all. They are amazing. I would have totally missed Leathermouth if they weren't so awesome. Anyway, I made it to the Starland Ballroom, whereupon the bouncer took one look at me and said, "Oh, honey, why'd you go and do that to your face? You're so pretty, you don't need to do that." o.O  I was under the impression that, you know, a rock show was the one place people wouldn't look at me weird for wearing red eyeliner. WRONG. What do you even say to that? But then I heard the dulcet sounds of Frank's voice and so I just scurried away, leaving the bouncer calling after me, "It's not that it looks bad! YOU JUST DON'T NEED IT." Okay, bouncer! Okay.

THEN THERE WAS FRANNNK. It wasn't too crowded so I managed to shove myself up pretty close to the barrier. Second row, even. I just wanna say, dude, Frank's adorable pudge? Drastically reduced from earlier in the tour. I tell you what, I always lose Iero Sex Chicken, but seriously, guys, that man is fucking smoking. Like, a smoke bomb of hotness. He's really only pudgy compared to three years ago, when he was a literal rail. Now it's just like, IERO, I WANT TO DO INDECENT THINGS TO YOUR MUFFINTOP.  Up close, he really, truly blew my mind. He's so fucking talented and raw and intense. AND NOMMABLE.

I got there in the middle of Catch Me If You Can, and then they played Bodysnatchers  (MY FAVORITE, OMG. FRANK WHY DO YOU GIVE ME THESE INAPPROPRIATE KINKS? WHY?), I'm Going to Kill the President of the United States of America, and HOSHIT, THE MISFITS. THEY PLAYED A COVER OF THE MISFITS. Frank said, all outraged and scowly, "What the fuck, do you know there are actually people wearing the Misfits shirts that have no idea who they are? The internet generation fucking sucks. Let's go." And then they rocked Mommy Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight and I had a seizure of joy. A SEIZURE. God, also, the Misfits are going to be at the Starland November 1st, if anyone wants to go with me. I'M GONNA FREAK THAT BOUNCER THE SHIT OUT. He thought red eyeliner was bad, wait 'til he sees my skeletor face.

Annnyway, I have to say, reports of Frank's spitiness are misleading--maybe someone chided him for his flagrant disregard of public health? He spit a lot onto the stage, and spit water on us sometimes, and definitely threw water plenty, but actual spit on the crowd? Not so much. Although one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life was Frank after the show cleaning up the stage with a towel, all DOOT DOOT DOOT, CLEANING UP MY OWN SPIT, DOOT DOOT. LOL FOREVER. I have no good pics of the Leathermouth show at all, unfortunately, because Frank is like unto a blur and I was too excited to focus my camera. FAILSELF. (Luckily, there are pics from the show in Philly! SPOILER FOR THE NEXT POST.)

Anyway, so, the thing is? My actual favorite part of the Jersey show was not Leathermouth (I KNOW, UNEXPECTED, RIGHT), but Reggie and the motherfucking Full Effect. YOU GUYS. I'd heard shitty Youtube videos of them, and was like, eh, whatever. I mean, I stayed because I luurrve Frank and Dewees, but I wasn't actively looking forward to it. OH HOW MISLED, PAST SELF.

Not only was the live music fucking FUCK YOUR SHIT UP awesome, absolutely no one can fucking ham it up like James Dewees. Pictoral evidence:





I have the biggest fucking crush on that dude ever ever ever EVER.  The DARE shirt and sweatpants were ridiculously darling, as was his filthy, filthy mouth. And now we've gotten to the point of the recap where I fangirlishly recall all of the lolarious things James said and sigh wistfully. OH THE MEMORIES. At one point he was talking about how a DARE shirt had never fucking stopped anyone from doing drugs, because if the choice was doing weed with a hot chick who wanted sex and NOT doing weed and NOT having sex, wellllll, the choice wasn't really a choice at all, was it. I think what he said, verbatim, was "The shirt's good for wiping up come, though!" And then he put his hand over his mouth, all mock giggling and "Oops!" And Frank was fucking dying over by his bass.

That was one of the best parts about getting to see the show, seeing Frank just BEAMING at James and all his jokes and shenanigans. You can tell James is one of Frank's favorite people in the entire world, it's just written on his face and he makes no attempt whatsoever to hide it. There was also another fucking hilarious moment where for some reason Frank was playing bass and the guitarists both came over and stared at him all crazy-eyed, like you do when you're trying to freak someone out, and Frank was like, BWAHH WTF GUYS, and then James noticed and was like, "ME TOO! I wanna stare at Frank TOO!" Those guys have so much fun on the fucking stage, Christ, it's such a treat to watch them. Especially since every time James spoke, there was Frank, staring at him all moony-eyed I CAN HAS THE BEST FRIEND IN THE FUCKING WORLD and making me swoon with the adorable. At one point, James was like, "So where the fuck are we? I've played here before like three times and I still don't know where the fuck we are. I just know we're somewhere between Philadelphia and Frank's house. Frank, do you know where the fuck we are?" And Frank was like, "....South Jersey, dude." James, like me, rolled his eyes, because what the fuck does that mean? JERSEY, YOU ARE A MYSTERY TO ME WITH YOUR GEOGRAPHY. Also, plz to imagine James and Frank chilling at Frank's house and playing with their dogs and AUGH HOW SO WONDROUS. Seriously, I know I am being lame with all these details, but that was for some reason so perfect to me, that James jugdes geography by his friend's house. HEARTS FOREVER.

So, in other news that you've already heard, MIKEYWAY WAS THERE. NNNRGH. He, very reasonably, was hiding, because the fangirls, they are rabid. I caught a glimpse of him by the side of the stage at one point, making his unimpressed face. Oh, Mikeyway. James rambled on about how much he loved Mikey and tried to coax him out so that they could play his favorite Reggie song together, but according to Frank, Mikey had already gone to hide upstairs. OF COURSE HE HAD. James took the crushing disappointment (what? am I projecting again?) well, but did mutter sort of darkly that Mikey had AT LEAST BETTER BE PLAYING WITH HIS DOG, CHRIST. JAAAAAMES, how are you so adorable? I have no idea what the song was he played for Mikey, but it definitely rocked. As did all their songs, actually, I'm now a fan forever. Hopefully they will be all "PSYCH, TIME FOR THE REUNION TOUR" immediately.

Also, I just want you guys to know that at one point, James was making fun of Cute Is What We Aim for, and how they're all infants, and he said, "They won't be a real band until their bassist has slept with a boy." THEN HE LOOKED AT FRANK. MAKE OF THAT WHAT YOU WILL, PEOPLE. Not to mention another bassist happened to be present. (MIKEYWAY AND PETE WENTZ, I'M LOOKING AT YOU.)

So, at the end of the Reggie set, it was just James doing standup Fluxuation and songs from other previous incarnations of Dewees bands. And, okay, I lied, my REAL favorite moment was when James all of a sudden went off on this crazy tangent about the Alien movies (HOW MUCH DO I LOVE HIS DORK SELF, OKAY) and how when he was ten he was watching it for like the twentieth time on TV, in the midst of his breakfast burrito, when suddenly within his chest a creature stirred, and he FLIPPED HIS TEN-YEAR-OLD SHIT OUT and went to his mom in tears, all, I don't know how the aliens came here, to this one town in Kansas, and found a random ten-year-old and impregnated me with their freaky vaginamouths but THEY DID AND I'M GOING TO DIE. MOM STOP LAUGHING YOU'LL BE SORRY WHEN MY CHEST EXPLODES AND THE ALIEN YOUNG DEVOUR YOU. NO IT IS NOT HEARTBURN, WTF IS THAT.

 ...CHRIST ON A CRUTCH, JAMES, HOW ARE YOU SO ADORABLE. I want to travel back in time and watch the Terminator and Robocop and the Lost Boys with baby Dewees immediately.

In conclusion, ILTHESEBOYSSOMUCH. Also, FRANK. PLZ TO STOP GIVING ME THESE TERRIBLE KINKS.
 

NO REALLY. DO NOT WANT. ONLY, FUCK FUCK, I DO. Also, don't even ask fictionalfaerie about how mullet!Frank eats cheesy crackers in bed with Jamia and Jamia is all WTF TAKE OFF THE WIG and mullet!Frank just giggles and gets crumbs everywhere because then YOU WILL HAVE THE KINK TOO, IT IS CONTAGIOUS. WARNING. YOU WILL WANT TO MOVE TO THE DEEP SOUTH.

HE IS SO INTENT ON PLAYING HIS PANTERA. WHY IS THIS SO HOT. WTF SELF.
 

So yes, that is the Jersey show. I was, I admit, a little bummed no one came out after the show, but fuck, I feel so lucky to have seen them at all. AND NOW ON TO THE REALLY EXCITING POST: THE PHILLY SHOW. BE READY FOR THE CAPSLOCKS, IS ALL I'M SAYING.